You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
