It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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