This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
