im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
