My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
