The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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