u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
