i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
