and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
