Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
