So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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