Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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