Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
