Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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