chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
