yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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