That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
