Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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