So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
