he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm way too hungover for life right now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
