it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This house was built for laser tag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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