It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
