apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
