I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
