wrigley field is MILF paradise
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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