She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
