I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
