U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
