Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
