So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
