dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
