you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
