Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I lost the right to judge tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
