38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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