have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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