what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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