Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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