I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Enjoy the penises
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
