he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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