I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
