I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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