How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
