Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
