He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!