I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."