absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
tell me about the eggs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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