Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.