I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
