it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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