im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
