I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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