i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm like, not good at living.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
