Only a mothe r could love this liver
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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