Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
