if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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