Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
