Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Michael Bay diarrhea
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
