college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
