He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
