my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
