Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
