Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
