This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
