So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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