Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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