he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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