I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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