When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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