She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
