just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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