As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
