he wants to bone in the snuggie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
