I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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