I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
