She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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