Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
