i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
