We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
