You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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