Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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