i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
