and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
